Friday, November 27, 2009

Post Op Vision Updates - Car Rides and Being Visible

There is a 'fun house' quality to my entire visual field. It is very difficult to describe, but everything all at once seems distorted. Imagine looking through a drop of water. It would be clear, but everything would be slightly misshapen, sort of like a fun house mirror. Areas of things look more stretched out and other areas look more compressed. If a composer were to put music to accompany the way I now see things, it would be like a bouncy underwater echoy cacophony! I think of whales talking. Try this link and get an idea (add to this a synthesized sound and you have the sound track in my head!) For some strange reason, I am finding this sound very comforting. I realize this sounds a bit nutty ("A bit nutty?" you say) but this is what I am experiencing.

I was taking a bath the other eve and the doorway of the bathroom was completely tilted. I then noticed the mirrors along the opposite wall were leaning towards me. I asked my husband if he could put his head down near where mine was and tell me if the doorway looked crooked! He did, but didn't really see it. The other eve the dresser at the foot of our bed looked like someone chopped the legs off one side. It was slanted.

Being a passenger in a car is a completely different experience. It is though I am floating along and I feel the car travel through space. Within the car I feel myself hovering in a strange way. It is complete visual overload but absolutely fun! Unfortunately within about 20 minutes I am dizzy and sick with nausea and feel like everything is spinning.

I am still trying to get used to how to hold my head. I am only now beginning to realize how I used to tilt my head-especially when speaking to people. It is now a constant habit that while served a purpose when my eyes were looking in different directions, now only makes me dizzy. I am keeping my hand on the left side of my head to remind me to stop TILTING!

And here is something incredible. Yesterday at my family's Thanksgiving gathering, everyone was sitting in various chairs around the room. All the way across the room was my eight year old niece sitting on an ottoman playing with my brother's Spinone Puppy. There were other family members sitting near her and in front of her in a cluster. In the sea of faces, I was looking at her. She looked up at me from across the room and said something. I paused for a moment and wondered if she was speaking directly to me. I wondered how she could tell I was looking at her. I then thought that I would speak back to her to see if she was actually speaking to me, so I did and to my amazement she responded. I could not believe she actually knew I was looking at her. It will be the first time in my life that I looked across a room with several faces close to each other and the person I was looking at knew exactly where I was looking! I have never felt so visible. I realized I have lived my life having to gesture with my hands, or say some one's name directly to get them to know that I was trying to speak to them. This was so small and subtle. Now, just a glance in some one's direction all the way across a room and I am seen. AMAZING.

I have so many other things to report. Things are happening so quickly that I can't keep up. Scribblings on paper "lamppost slanted," "dog looks small," "grocery store less confusing than it used to be," "I see on both sides of me..." all over my house.

1 comment:

  1. Heather,

    You said "This was so small and subtle." What, this is huge! I am so happy for you.

    James

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