I know this looks a bit familiar, but it is NOT the same photo I took over a week ago. I took it this evening. Here are my eyes. I still can't believe it. Even when I look at the photo, I can't own the fact that these are my eyes. I still have some bloodshot, but it should go away in a couple of weeks. The muscles surrounding one eye are still stronger (see the brow is higher), but I am very confident I can change this in vision therapy where I am learning to awaken my right eye.
I have come to see that having straight eyes is a two-fold gift. Not only am I seeing the world as I have never seen it in all its beauty, I am also cosmetically a different looking person. So everything is different from inside and out. People are treating me differently. They seem more engaged and look me in the eyes. I notice how they hold their gaze on me longer (which actually makes me feel a bit vulnerable.) I realize now people really look at each other when speaking, like their eyes are searching into mine, which I don't remember ever experiencing. Now, casual conversations at the grocery store or on the street seem oddly intimate to me.
While my eyes are aligned, I am only beginning to learn to feel whole. When I speak to people I still feel like half a face. It is hard to explain, but I feel like I haven't fully integrated this new two-eyed system into my body yet and I am not used to taking it out into the world. I am seeing everything in 3D and also learning to feel myself as a 3D person. I guess seeing myself in 1D for so long, as a flat face in the mirror, I now feel strange speaking to people out of my whole face. It is like I want to snap to the side and peer out of one eye again, like a animal hiding behind a rock, but I fight against this impulse.
Can you look at the photo and tell me which eye I am using and which eye I am suppressing? I am curious to know if people can tell which eye is doing the seeing and which is doing the looking. (Seeing I define as seeing something and looking I define as just aware of things!)