The other day a friend asked me if I ever wore eye make-up. As visions of blue mascara danced in my head I said, "Yea, oh definitely, I like eye make-up." Even though these days I rarely wear any, our conversation got me thinking about my ritual.
For years as a teenager I would scour beauty magazines carefully studying the articles about eye make-up. For Larger More Expressive Eyes Follow These Five Easy Tips! I memorized all the things they said would make eyes appear larger and over the years methodically took each step when preparing for a party, job interview, dates or special events, like my wedding.
Since I had what appeared to be two different eye shapes and sizes due to my Strabismus, I learned all the tips to counteract each flaw. To open my droppy eye I first curled the lashes with a scissor like curler, then applied a special mascara with some kind of revolutionary "tube" technology, encasing each lash with a coat of God knows what. Then I took a lighter shadow and dotted the larger eyelid to make it look more droopy, so it would match my droopy eye better. Since my brows were also very misaligned, I plucked and combed each brow to balance them out. I also put liner on the inner lower rim of the bigger eye to make it appear more almond shaped. The tips and tricks went on and on and I clung to them over the years with the hope that it would be more difficult to notice my floor gazing eye.
Looking at my face now, I realize I can let all of this go, no more eye make-up rituals or looking in the mirror and thinking, well I look great, but my eyes do not. No more head tilts or hiding one side of my face. Don't get me wrong, I was resolved with the way I looked, but some part of me always wished my eyes were straight. Thinking back I guess it was because I had to be. What were my choices? These were my eyes and I could hate them or just carry on with them. I carried on and never let them stop me or hold me back.
I don't regret a moment of having to live the first half of my life with eyes pointing in different directions and never having depth perception...not a moment. All of this is just a bonus for me. Sure there were painful moments, but I got through them and never having had depth perception, I lived blissfully unaware that I was missing anything.
My husband Sean loved my eyes before surgery and he loves them now that they are straight. He has been my safe harbor through all of this, sitting patiently and listening every time I had a breakthrough in Vision Therapy, sneaking into the recovery room after my surgery to say hello and hold my hand, and despite the fact that I ask him every morning since my surgery if my eyes are still straight, he still studies them and then says yes as if I had never asked him before.