Sunday, May 9, 2010

Straight Eyes, Two Door Knobs

My binocular vision is still very weak. When I wake I can conjure up two door knobs on my closet door. One is very faint and elusive, it stays for a moment, drifts away and then I see one door knob again. This is my brain's ability to hold onto binocular vision. Fusion; seeing those two door knobs as one is my ultimate goal (I can suppress one door knob and get one, but my goal is the ability to merge the two). The brains ability to take two images and make them one is a magnificent process that we take for granted every day. Unfortunately (and fortunately), I am expert at suppressing, it has been the way I have kept my visual world in order my entire life. As we grow in life, we hopefully shed the traits or behaviors we no longer need. Things that used to serve us, in time can hold us back. This is my sight now; an old way of seeing. Sometimes I talk to my brain, as if it were something apart from me. I tell it to let go of the single focus, that it's safe to see with both eyes. Sometimes it feels like going down a hill too fast, I feel like I am loosing a part of myself. It is an interesting conversation to have, like talking to God. I often think that our brains and the universe are the same thing. Infinite and mysterious.

Has anyone out there had strabismus surgery or vision therapy and had it not only change their vision, but their entire life? How did it change you? Did it change you in social situations? Did it change how you feel about yourself. I would love to hear how it changed not only your way of seeing, but your way of being.