Sunday, May 9, 2010

Straight Eyes, Two Door Knobs

My binocular vision is still very weak. When I wake I can conjure up two door knobs on my closet door. One is very faint and elusive, it stays for a moment, drifts away and then I see one door knob again. This is my brain's ability to hold onto binocular vision. Fusion; seeing those two door knobs as one is my ultimate goal (I can suppress one door knob and get one, but my goal is the ability to merge the two). The brains ability to take two images and make them one is a magnificent process that we take for granted every day. Unfortunately (and fortunately), I am expert at suppressing, it has been the way I have kept my visual world in order my entire life. As we grow in life, we hopefully shed the traits or behaviors we no longer need. Things that used to serve us, in time can hold us back. This is my sight now; an old way of seeing. Sometimes I talk to my brain, as if it were something apart from me. I tell it to let go of the single focus, that it's safe to see with both eyes. Sometimes it feels like going down a hill too fast, I feel like I am loosing a part of myself. It is an interesting conversation to have, like talking to God. I often think that our brains and the universe are the same thing. Infinite and mysterious.

Has anyone out there had strabismus surgery or vision therapy and had it not only change their vision, but their entire life? How did it change you? Did it change you in social situations? Did it change how you feel about yourself. I would love to hear how it changed not only your way of seeing, but your way of being.

5 comments:

  1. Beautifully written as always. As a vision therapist I enjoy your blog immensely. We see patients at the start of their therapy often withdrawn with their shoulders down and faces looking only to the ground. My favorite part of the job is watching the body posture of my patients change over time. It happens little by little and can often be overlooked by those who are not paying attention, but invariably it happens and it is a joy to see. Thank you for sharing your journey.

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  2. Heather, when I read your questions at the bottom of the blog. Tears come to my eyes. Has it changed my life? yes. I used to say only every waking moment. But lately in my sleep I'm having dreams that I'm loosing my single vision. So it even affects me in my sleep. As you see it changes so many things that I started my own blog about it. So that I don't have to bore my friends by going on and on about this miracle I've been granted. My head was tilted for most of my life. I found photos back to age 5 with my head cranked over. I didn't know that I needed to do that to keep my vision single. Now I'm 36 and in one surgery my posture was immediately corrected. For the first time ever. It's amazing. Don't get me going on how this has changed me. I discover ways every day where this has improved my life. Love your blog! GW

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  3. I have been blogging about just figuring out how other people's eyes work. I had a talk with my husband the other night and he described how he was seeing double in the distance and then single when he focused. Talk about weird!

    http://journeythroughthecortex.blogspot.com/2010/05/image-by-aphasiafilms-via-flickr-do-you.html

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  4. Heather, I am an adult living with strabismus and amblyopia. I went to Vision Therapy for 6 months before I realized that no amount of therapy would get my eye to move to the correct position. The VT has helped me "turn on" my amblyopic strabismic eye for the first time in my life. I now see double often! Good sign. I too am a master of repressing my vision. I have decided to go in for Strabismus surgery this Tuesday (May 24th). I am very hopeful that once my eyes are aligned, I can continue with VT to get them to work together. I have also created a blog. You can read about my story at michellemfox@blogspot.com. Thanks for sharing your story!

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  5. I have been doing vision therapy for a while and I am FINALLY stepping into 3D vision. I can see trees and buildings "pop out". I have been doing fusion exercises in space with 2 cards. One helps with convergence and the other with divergence. I am ordering yet another card that is supposed to help tremendously can't wait. Will post later on with the names of my cards. If you have go to my blog and click on the category vision, you will get my story and useful links on vision therapy. I have multiple disorders in addition to vision. I have done it without surgery. Not saying that surgery isn't called for in anyone's particular case. But for me it is working well without it.

    http://journeythroughthecortex.blogspot.com

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