Friday, March 4, 2011

I am not sure I want to leave the place I have always been...

I got a call from someone at my vision therapist's office the other day.  They said that it was time for my "progress evaluation."   I am looking forward to going back.  Since my surgery, I think my eyes have stayed pretty straight, but for the occasional crossing.  But I am afraid...  I know after all the blog entries I have made expounding on the wonders of seeing in 3D, I sound a bit like a hypocrite, but this is the truth.  I am actually afraid of awakening the binocular center of my brain for fear that I may not be able to shut it off and if I can't shut it off by suppressing, then I run the risk of seeing double.  I have heard that you can be locked in a permanent state of diplopia or double vision. I have just started a new job that requires my full attention and I fear that embarking back into the world of vision therapy to awaken my eyes would open a can of worms.  I realize I need to talk to my COVD Vision Therapist, Dr. Carl Gruning, who would know exactly what I should do.  I know how weak my binocular vision is, the second image that I can call into existence if I focus is horizontally higher than the other image (indicating that is where my eye is pointing) and the second image is faint and hazy.  I have heard that people who get a prosthetic body part, after years of managing without one, sometimes prefer to go without them, they have adapted. My brother worked for years as a social worker for the deaf and he used to tell me that ocular implants are often frowned upon in the deaf community because the person doesn't see the need, they have adapted.  I am not deaf, and I don't need a prosetic limb, but I definitely feel having lived in a flat world all these years, some trepidation about leaving my monocular world behind completely.  It is all I have known, I manage perfectly fine. I have had the chance to visit the spacious world as most people see it and it is great!  But I can come home to what I know and not feel too bad that I don't get to live there permanently.